dad,
a combination of things has you on my mind today. partly talking to and seeing a little glimpse of ashland, and thinking about all the people i love at home, so far way from me, living life... and me here, living mine.
that, and thinking about tu-tu's death and dealing with grief at a distance. it reminds me of how much of grandpas life i have missed (and am missing), how much i want to hear his stories of the good old days, recited in his magical voice, and how i want to remember them all.
i couldn't sleep the night before i got "the call" from mom, and i wrote in my journal about both my grandmas, about missing them and about how i remember them. tu-tu smiling in hawaii with flowers in her hair and the way she had of clasping your hand like it was a full body hug. and gigi laughing with her eyes all scrunched up and mouth wide open, supervising me picking up leaves in the pathway, or directing me to exactly what she wanted out of the loft.
it makes me think more about all the things i am missing now, and have missed being away from ashland and my family so much of these last few years. and though it pains me to think of that loss, i do not regret it, and find myself valuing the experiences i have had even more for the rich price i have paid.
but one thing i have to say that i miss more than most, is a long slow conversation with you.
a visit with no deadlines. a discussion with no direction, a debate with no sides, no argument. a free flow of ideas. you tell me about the things you have read, learned, experienced; i do the same. we ask each other questions, we listen and learn, we expand. it's not the typical father-daughter catch-up conversation that people might expect. there's no talk of debt and expenses or really much about future plans.
it's more than that. a reconnecting of minds, of thought and ideas, and, for me, to home and place, and you. i miss it all.
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